


Hurt

by VyeLoyomBrightwarrior



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: Angst, Possession, Rape, Read at Your Own Risk, Suicide Attempt, Torture, and i will add more tags as needed but i really don't know how to tag this so yeah, basically if you have triggers you won't want to read, but yeah it's bad, especially if comments are left for what people want to see, forgot that will happen later whoops, i don't know what all to tag this as but it's really bad, i guess, like really, mind contol, not all the characters may be in all chapters, not at first but it will get there so you've been warned, so you've been warned, the main focus will be on Rush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:12:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7142090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VyeLoyomBrightwarrior/pseuds/VyeLoyomBrightwarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew wakes up after three years in stasis, only to discover that there are already mysteries to solve. For one thing, why has everyone aged three years even through they were in stasis pods? How did the ship sustain damage in FTL? And why is Rush acting odd and secretive again? Young is determined to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> I but this in the tags but I will put it here too. This story will be very dark. This chapter isn't, but later chapters will be. So if you don't want to get hooked in something that will have tons of rape and torture, mental and physical, don't read it. I am not at all kind to any of these characters. I am a total jerk. I'll try to write the characters and how they react to everything I do to them in a good manner of course, but it's super dark and angsty. I mean the title is hurt (cause I suck at titles). So don't read unless you want to see all this stuff. 
> 
> Also side note, I have no beta reader really. So any mistakes are mine. And I appreciate constructive criticism so long as you are nice about it. And okay, here is the intro chapter which is boring after all the hype I gave here I'm sure, it will pick up I promise.

Well rested. Two simple words that had seemed to elude Colonel Young ever since he first stepped board on Destiny. One string of problems after another had keep him wide awake and trying to keep everything under control. He wasn’t the only one with that problem of course. He still remembers how Rush had passed out from exhaustion towards the beginning of their journey. And being tired was something all of the crew had complained about. But that didn’t mean that Young didn’t crave some time where he didn’t have to do a single thing.

And then he was given just that. Not in the way that he’d hoped for of course. No, he’d been forced to go into a stasis pod so that maybe, as long as Eli had calculated correctly, they could make it to a new galaxy. Three years from when he stepped into the pod. Young had joked with Camille about it, he remember. That three years ought to be enough time to actually get the rest he’d been deprived. But he’d never expected that to actually come true.

Young isn’t a professional. He knows that. Rush and Eli could probably go into exactly how the stasis pods work. But he does remember Eli saying that the pods would freeze metabolism so they wouldn’t need to eat. Therefore Young would have thought that he’d step out of the pod in the same condition he left it, exhaustion included. So the fact that he is well rested is… well strange to say the least. He’ll have to ask the scientists about that.

Like Rush. Which is the second thing he notices upon waking up after his hopefully three year nap. The stasis pods in this room are just now being opened. By Rush. Who is at a control panel instead of inside his pod. And that is not something that Young expected, or something he is happy to see.

It probably means Rush is up to something. Again. And Young really does not want to have to deal with the man sneaking around and trying to do things behind his back. Again. The man better have a good explanation for this. And one that includes why he looks like he’s carrying his own exhaustion plus all the exhaustion that Young should be feeling. And it may just be the light, but does the man have a few grey hairs? He looks older and damn him, if he somehow switched with Eli and stayed out and cost them all more than the three years Young is going to make him regret it.

Rush starts talking before anyone else can get to it though, and from the way his eyes flick between pods Young guesses there must be more than one angry face glaring him down. “I know you all have questions, but I think the most efficient way to do this is for you to actually let me explain before you pile on the accusations.”

His eyes have darted to look at everyone who he just freed from stasis, but now they rest on Young. He wishes he could read the expression, but Rush is as guarded as he’s ever been. It feels very much like he’s hiding something, but Young supposes letting him explain isn’t going to hurt anything. It might even save some time. And he can ask questions after of course, if he feels like what he’s been told is a pack of lies.

“Alright,” he agrees, moving to a slightly more relaxed position as he regards his chief scientist. 

“Go on Rush. Explain why you look so tired and older and what you’re doing out of stasis before everyone else.”

Rush casts his eyes down then, hand moving to rub at his neck in that gesture everyone on the crew is familiar with by now. He’s stressed for sure, but whether it’s because he is trying to lie, has bad news, or is just plain tired; Young can’t tell. He hopes he’ll be able to when the man starts talking.

Rush takes a step back, away from the consul, and looks up. His eyes are now cast in shadow and Young is sure that is the reason for him stepping back. Until he gestures to the screen in front of him. “Eli, you’ll want to be sure I’m telling the truth. You can do some quick fact checks here while I talk.” Eli comes forward and Everett gives someone other than Rush a good look for the first time. And is very startled to see that Eli looks like he aged as well.

“As you’ve pointed out Colonel, I have aged. Everyone has, it appears. By three years. I can’t explain that. What I can explain is that Destiny had jumped galaxies. It did take three years like Eli’s calculations showed it would. And I programed my pod to wake me up before everyone else to make sure that key systems were functioning.”

It’s all said in a straightforward, professional sounding tone. And during now of it can Young see the man’s eyes. “He’s right,” Eli confirms. “Destiny’s logs say it’s only been three years. And that we’ve all been in stasis the whole time.”

“But then why did we grow up?” Young asks, eyes boring into the darkness Rush has retreated to.

“Could be some anomaly we came across,” Eli spits out a theory that would fit in the sci fi worlds he loves so much. And probably here. Young has learned that a lot of things that seem impossible aren’t. He still hates it when it’s something he can’t do anything about.

“An anomaly that aged us exactly the same amount of time as we were in the pods for?” Camille asks and Young knows she thinks something is up here too. All of this seems to convenient and maybe Young had thought that he and Rush were coming to an understanding, but the man has a history of lying to them and none of this is adding up.

“Well the ship underwent some kind of damage,” Rush speaks up. “For one thing the window on the observation deck was shattered, and Destiny had to seal it off. It’s possible whatever caused that also had something to do with our aging. But I haven’t had time to look into that really. I’ve been too busy making sure key systems were operational and then waking you lot up.”

Young wonders why that all just sounds like excuses to him, and wishes Rush would step forward. He’s about to demand as much, when TJ speaks.

“So, we’ve all aged three years?” She’s not one to need clarification on the obvious. And Young remembers. Her ALS. She’d had five years and now, it what feels like the blink of an eye, she has two. He turns to her, but she avoids his gaze, just looking at Rush and Eli.

“Yeah,” Eli says slowly, as he too realizes just what that means for her. “But if we figured out what caused the aging, maybe we can reverse it,” he says. It’s just like Eli, to remain optimistic. Young wishes he could too, but all he can think about is TJ suffering that much sooner.

“Right, well I made a more detailed report,” Rush says, finally stepping into the light to show Eli the correct file. “And now, if that’s all, I probably ought to go rest.” His eyes have lifted back up to Young’s. And there is something there that Young doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. It’s something he can’t at all place, and something that just seems wrong in Rush’s eyes. As though the emotion he’s feeling shouldn’t belong to Rush.

Could it be honestly? The man has lied enough times that honesty might look out of place. But no, Young has seen him honest, once or twice. And of course he’s seen him exhausted. Maybe it’s that he’s admitting weakness? He’s not sure that feels right either.

The room is silent, he realizes. Tense. People are looking between him and Rush, not sure what to expect. Camille looks ready to step between them if she needs to. Scott is shifting from foot to foot. Chloe looks like she’s worried a fight will break out and TJ is giving him a look that clearly is telling him to just let Rush go rest. But Young has eyes only for the man in front of him. Because the longer he stares the closer he seems to get to figuring out just what emotion Rush is trying to hide.

“Back to tension and fights already? I mean I know we had three years of a break, but still.” It’s a poor excuse for a joke and Young is sure that even Eli is aware of that. So he ignores it and so does everyone else in the room. And the tension only builds until Young is sure that if he opened his mouth the tension would crowd in and force its way down his throat.

Rush breaks it. By looking away. He tilts his to the side and down, hand coming again to rub at his shoulder. And that is when TJ intervenes. “Rush obviously does need rest Colonel,” she says. “You can ask him more questions once he’s actually gotten more sleep.” It’s a medical order of course. And even if TJ hadn’t said that, he probably would have relented as well in the face of Rush’s abnormal behavior. Something he’ll have to ask the man about later.

“Go,” he states then. “Get some rest. But you better not sneak off somewhere. And make sure your radio is on, so we can find you.”

Rush lifts his head up then, and Young is convinced he’s going to nod. But then he doesn’t. He gives Young one of those assessing looks he so often gives, though this one seems to lack… something. Young can’t name what it’s missing him and that is bothersome. But he supposes it can probably be contributed to the man’s exhaustion.

“So little trust Colonel? And here I’d thought we made some progress.” The words should be biting and cold, but again they lack in the intensity that Rush normally has.

“Nice try, but your insults are suffering. Go sleep. You can give me all the logical reasons why I should have a different point of view when you wake up.” Rush just glares at him for a moment before doing a quick turn and exiting the room at his typical brisk pace. And he leaves only a heavy silence in his wake.

“So he’s acting odd,” Eli just has to state the obvious. “Well, odder than normal I mean. And I know what it’s like to be alone on this ship for a week or so, but for one thing, he should not have been acting that odd about it. And for another, you’d think being alone on the ship would be Rush’s idea of a dream vacation.”

Eli is right of course. But more than that, he’s just reminding Young that he could have been killed. With figuring out TJ has less time to live and trying to figure out what was going on with Rush, he lost sight of the fact that just Eli being here is something to celebrate. “What do you mean, alone for a week?” Chloe asks.

“One of the pods was broken,” Young informs the room as he steps forward. “And Eli volunteered to stay out and try to fix it. And succeeded. Good job Eli.” He gives Eli a little nod and the man smiles back. He’s definitely not a kid anymore, in looks but also in maturity. Sure he still tries to make jokes and is a bit of a nerd. But he risked his life for everyone. And is amazing at what he does. Young may not have always thought of him as a man, but he does now.

“You could have died,” Chloe says, sounding half admonishing and half awed.

“Good job Eli,” Matt says with a broad grin as he comes over to give Eli a pat on the back.

“Thanks, but shouldn’t we be focusing on Rush?” Eli asks. And he has a point. There are more pressing matters. Celebrating Eli’s heroism can wait just a bit.

“First we need to wake everyone else up. I trust you can do that Eli. And Camille, you and I can set up meetings with the crew for around… ten hours from now. I want to go over some things with Rush before then. I think I’ll read this report Rush wrote up as well. So Scott, you take charge here.” There’s a bit of a debate about just how everyone should do everything but soon it’s settled and Young can leave to go read Rush’s report in private. And try to figure out what is going on with him.


	2. Alien?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli reflects on what could have happened to Rush and the ship, trying to find the answers that no one seems to have. Except maybe Rush himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's one from Eli's point of view. I hope you all enjoy. And I know it's a bit slow but either the next chapter or the one after, things will pick up a bit and get interesting so thanks for sticking with me.

Eli knows weird things are going on. Of course, that probably goes without saying. They are on a spaceship thousands of lightyears from their galaxy. Of course things aren’t going to be the way that they are supposed to be. Things are going on now that are stranger than he would expect.

 

He supposes Rush acting shifty isn’t weird. Sure the guy had started to actually cooperate with them recently. Or well three years ago. But Rush keeping secrets really can’t be classified as weird. What’s weird is him doing such a bad job at covering them up.

 

He’s been looking at the monitor of the control panel for a while now, trying to make sense of this. Rush had said the ship sustained damage, but Eli had assumed it was sometime within the week that Rush had been awake; sometime after the ship had dropped out of FTL. After all, the ship can’t sustain damage in FTL.

 

Okay, that’s not strictly true. Things can still decay and wear down, and it’s not like going faster than light is easy on the parts of the ship. But getting hit by something that shattered the window on the observation deck? Well that shouldn’t really be possible. Even if the ship’s logs indicate that it is. After all, someone had tampered with the ship’s logs before. Someone who just happened to be alone on the ship for a week.

 

Eli doesn’t have any clue why Rush would be keeping secrets. Not that that’s new. Eli has never really understood why Rush wants to keep all of these secrets from everyone. Sharing information just seems to benefit everyone so much more. But Rush isn’t like Eli and now Rush is keeping a secret.

 

And, back to Rush, his behavior is odd. Not the whole secret keeping thing; that’s fairly standard Rush. But the way he talked to them before isn’t. It was… well out of place. The way he hid in the shadows, looked at the floor. It just wasn’t Rush.

 

Eli likes to think he knows Rush pretty well. They’ve spent tons of time repairing the ship together. And despite the fact that some would call Eli annoying, Rush actually seems to be able to tolerate him. At least better than most people. The Rush who spoke to them in the stasis pod chamber isn’t Rush.

 

Eli’s not sure he could explain the difference really. There’s just something in his eyes that’s different. And if eyes are the window to the soul, than Rush’s soul has changed. Okay. So Eli’s not some philosopher and maybe he shouldn’t be thinking along those lines. But he is fairly sure that he’s not the only one who thinks Rush is acting odd. And maybe Eli has seen too much sci fi back on Earth, but he’s thinking maybe alien imposter. Or something. Though that wouldn’t explain the three years everyone grew when they were supposed to be frozen in time.

 

Of course, he’d checked the kinos. He’d thought there might be a recording of some sort because another common plot device in the type of shows Eli likes is memory loss. Or some sort. And if they all aged… well maybe they weren’t in stasis at all.

 

Of course that doesn’t explain how they lost their memories or how they managed to keep life support on while still making the galaxy jump, but if there was evidence of them being out it would be a start. And something to ask Rush about. Only there was nothing. No kino footage. But the really odd part was that there was no footage even after Rush woke up. He hadn’t turned them on. Eli had to be the one to turn on the kinos once he was out of stasis. And it left him wondering why Rush hadn’t. Eli is of course sure that Rush would claim it was a waste of time or something. But there is also the chance that he didn’t want anyone knowing what he did when he was alone that week. That possibility had to be considered.

 

Eli’s just glad he doesn’t have to confront Rush or make decisions because he honestly doesn’t know how he would handle any of this. He’s more than happy to leave it to Young. There could have been many things that happened after all. And Rush might just be acting shifty because he’s Rush. That doesn’t mean he’s possessed by an alien or something. Eli hopes.

 

But still. There was something weird about Rush now.

 

He almost opens his mouth to mention it to Brody and Volker when the man himself comes in. He doesn’t really look much better than before. He still looks exhausted and really Eli isn’t surprised. He was only gone for four hours.

 

“You’re not sleeping then?” he asks. He’d leave it to Brody or Volker, but they seem to let him take the lead with things a lot of the time. And besides, Rush likes Eli better. So it only makes sense for Eli to be the one to speak up when the lead scientist is in a potentially hostile mood.  
“How observant,” Rush quips, not even looking at Eli as he crosses to one of the control panels. Typical Rush. Sort of. Something still feels off, and maybe it’s Eli’s imagination but he kind of wishes that there was someone with a gun in the room. Or at least someone who was trained to fight.

 

“I mean you’ve been flying the ship solo for a week. Without even Chewbacca to help you.” He pauses for someone to get his joke but he just gets stares from Brody and Volker. And a continued ignorance from Rush. “Flying solo. Han Solo. Chewbacca.” His attempt to help them get the joke is only met with the same expressions, so he just sighs. Fine, he’ll just get to the point.

 

“And TJ said you should get rest. So you really shouldn’t be here working.” He watches Rush’s shoulders tense before the man finally turns to face him. Only his expression is so guarded and unreadable that Eli thinks maybe he should have just left Rush alone.  
“I did get rest,” Rush tells him, eyes locked on his and not looking away. Which is creepy. Really creepy. “More than three hours of it. And then I woke up. So now I’m here. If you’d rather me go somewhere else…”

 

“No actually,” another voice interrupts and Eli turns to see Young has entered the room. “You’re just the man I wanted to see.” And yep, here comes that awkward tension that just seems to pop up whenever Rush and Young are in the same room. Eli hates being in the middle of it. Though he also knows how it’s turned out for Rush when they argue alone, so it’s not like he’s just going to bow out. Even if he’s still half sure Rush could be an alien.

 

“And I assume you wanted to speak to me as well, since you’re still here,” Rush drawls, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he looks at the colonel.

 

“Actually, let’s turn this into group discussion,” Eli jumps in. After all, he hadn’t really wanted to confront Rush alone about the things he’d seen, but now that Young is here it might be a good time to bring it up. “About things like how the window to the observation deck got blow out during FTL. And why you didn’t turn on the kinos. You know, stuff like that.”

 

“Because I’m supposed to be perfect and know everything?” Rush asks, sort of attacking in a way he only seems to do when he’s super tense like he obviously is now. “I forgot to turn on the kinos. I don’t see how that’s important. And as for the observation deck, I had other things to do. I can’t figure out how every little thing happens. Especially not on my own. If you’re so curious, why don’t you figure it out?”

 

Yeah, Eli should have expected a response like that. “Right, okay,” he agrees, backing off a bit. “Just wondering.”

 

Rush sighs before focusing back on Young. “So, if group discussion has come to a close, what did you want to talk to me about?” Eli can’t decide if the question sounds more hostile or defeated, and he doesn’t really know how those tones can be put into one sentence. He’ll have to tell his alien theory to Young later. When Rush is not here. Because that seems like a way better idea.

 

“I read your report.” It’s something that has Eli curious actually, because he hasn’t read the report himself. He’s been too busy waking people up and then looking through the main computer and all. “And it’s very detailed. Detailed enough to ensure that I understand everything completely, down to when you ate your meals.”

 

There’s a pause as Rush frowns just slightly. “That seems to contradict your desire to talk with me.” Honestly, Eli thinks Rush has a point. Young has a record of everything that Rush was doing during the week. So what does he need cleared up?

 

“I just can’t seem to find a reason for you to be so specific,” Young says. And oh, Eli gets it now. Rush was even writing when he ate his meals. Which means that he got too detailed. And that can be a mark of lying.

 

Rush lifts his hand to his eyes, rubbing them a moment before letting his hand drop again. “Unbelievable. Let’s run through the scenarios, shall we? Either I’m alone for a week and don’t write what happened, therefore bringing your suspicions down on my head, or I write too much and bring your suspicions on my head anyway. Who are you, Goldie Locks? Things have to be just right?”

 

The room is dead silent, watching Young. And Eli can tell that for now Young is going to let this go. “Yeah, I’m Goldie Locks,” he says, face straight as he regards Rush. “I like things just right. Including the amount of time my crew sleeps. Not too much, and more importantly, not too little.”  
Rush huffs, sounding rather annoyed. But he’s already walking towards the door anyway. “There’s going to be some town hall meetings in six hours. I want you there.”

 

“Yes sir.” Eli of course knows the classic mistake of misusing sarcasm by saying it too seriously, so that it doesn’t sound sarcastic at all. Only he’d not really expected to hear Rush making that mistake.

 

“I’m serious Rush,” Young reprimands.

 

“Yes fine,” Rush replies with a wave of his hand, And then he’s out the door.

 

“Anyone else think that it’s far easier to get kinos to tape you than to make written records of what you’re doing?” Brody asks. And that is a good point. Because Rush always does what is most efficient, and having a record taking while the events are taking place is way better than writing them afterwards.

 

“Oh he’s definitely hiding something,” Young agrees. He looks troubled, and Eli can’t blame him. The guy has been known to lead rebellions. He’s not really trustworthy.

 

“Yeah. I mean he seems to be not really himself either,” Eli chimes in. “Which, just a theory here, could mean he’s an alien.” He just gets stares for a moment before Volker chimes in.

 

“Aliens would make sense. It could explain how we aged.”

 

“And how the observation deck’s window got destroyed,” Eli agrees. Sure he doesn’t know how exactly they would have done it, but aliens could have that kind of technology.

 

“Okay, but if aliens could power the ship enough to keep us all out of stasis and literally impersonate us, then why wouldn’t they just capture us?” Brody provides opposition. Which is good. Ideas are solidified best when they argue back and forth.

 

“Maybe they want to study us in our natural habitat,” Eli argues.

 

“Right, well I’m sure we’ll figure out when TJ gives Rush his check over,” Young jumps in. They’ve all been having them of course. Seeing as it has been three years and all. “For now I say let’s try not to let him know how suspicious we are. If he is an alien, we don’t want him to know we’re on to him. And if he’s not, we don’t want him knowing anything either. We want to catch him before he gets someone killed this time.”

 

Young stares them down until he’s sure they agree before leaving the room himself. Eli turns to Brody and Volker then, a bit relieved to see that they look just about as worried as he is.

 

“Rush and Young,” Volker observes. “Clashing heads again. What could possibly go wrong?”


	3. A Bit Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Young gets TJ to give Rush a check-up with Greer there, just in case. Turns out it was good Greer was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide attempt in this chapter so you've been warned. Also sorry it took so long. Real life can get so busy sometimes.

TJ is exhausted. That’s a normal state for her of course. Any medic is used to have periods of time in which they are super busy and don’t have time to sleep. And now, when she has to give every single member of the crew a checkup…. Well she’s being run a bit ragged.

She supposes it’s a good thing though. Otherwise she’d be thinking about two years. Because two years from now she’s going to start dying. Going from five years to two in a blink of an eye is terrifying. Of course that sort of thing happens on Earth all the time. Misdiagnoses or illnesses acting in unexpected ways could often speed up the time table in ways TJ is familiar with. But it’s still a lot to grasp now that’s its happening to her.

“Colonel,” she greets when Young comes in for his checkup. Somehow she gets the feeling he’ll want to talk about the fact that three years have passed and she is closer to the point where she will start to become paralyzed before eventually dying. Naturally she is hoping she can distract him.

“So far everyone is checking out,” she informs him as she gestures to one of the beds. He obliges, sitting down as she keeps talking. “I mean obviously there is some fluctuation from where we were, but all of it is consistent with how one would expect things to be after three years.”

“Well let’s hope that stays true,” Young says. “Especially for Rush. Eli has a theory that he’s actually an alien in disguise.” TJ hums thoughtfully as she moves a light to look into the colonel’s eyes.

“He was acting odd. And naturally he’s going to fight me on getting a checkup. He always does. But I doubt he’s an alien. Is it even possible for an alien to come onboard when the ship is in FTL?” That’s probably a question for the scientists of course, but she had heard Volker and Brody talking earlier when they came in together about how the ship’s records showed one continuous FTL jump. Though she didn’t know how much that meant. An alien could probably mess with their records.

“Any answers here only lead to more questions,” Young says with a sigh as she moves on to looking at his ears. “Though I still doubt Rush is an alien. He does seem off of course, but not really inhuman.” TJ has to say she agrees.

“If anything sir, he looks like a ptsd victim. Which he is.” They all forget that, far too often. “He’s been captured and tortured twice already. Maybe being alone on the ship for a week reminded him of how he had to face the Nakai and Lucians alone.” She’s really not sure if that is right of course, or if Rush would appreciate her trying to ascertain his thinking patterns and then sharing them with Young. But the colonel seems to be a bit angry at the man’s behavior, and if she can temper the usual storm that comes when Rush and Young come to blows, she is going to try.

Young is silent for a long while, and TJ knows he’s probably feeling incredibly guilty for letting the man be captured by aliens. And then again by the Lucians. He beats himself up a lot. To be fair he has done some bad things, and if he felt no guilt TJ would be worried about him. As it is however, she thinks he could stand to try forgiving himself for a thing or two.

“You could be right. Which means that we have even more reason to make sure that Rush gets his checkup,” Young concurs. “I want you and Greer in the last of this set of town meeting. Just in case.” She nods slowly, understanding. They may both be loath to think Rush is an alien in disguise, but they have been through way too much out here to just dismiss it completely.

“Understood.” And then she thinks a change of topic might be in order. She’s curious about some things anyway, and Young probably needs a distraction from the guilt she thinks might still be eating at him. “So, how did using the stones go?”

Young seems to relax just a bit immediately as he starts to relay the information. “Well obviously they were a bit shocked to hear that we all actually aged three years, but they were glad we reported in on time.”

TJ thinks that probably was a major concern, whether or not Destiny would be able to call in on time. The people back home would have been worried about that. Especially family that knew what was going on. There’s quite a few people who will be wanting to use the stones right away, she knows. Probably something Young will address in the town hall meetings.

“It sounds like things are going well then. Other than us all aging when we shouldn’t.” Young nods in agreement.

“It’s always something,” he mumbles. Which is true. Nothing ever goes how one would expect on Destiny.

“Well you look to be in good shape Colonel,” TJ states as she finishes up. “And I’ll be there for the last meeting.” Young nods as he stands.

“Let’s just hope Rush gives us some cooperation.” TJ nods a bit. But she’s not going to count on it.

 

* * *

 

Greer has been filled in on everything by Colonel Young. He’s also heard Eli’s theory, about Rush being an alien. He can’t say he thinks that likely. But he’s prepared to have to deal with the man if it turns out that he is an alien. Mentally at least. It’s always best to try to be prepared for every eventuality, especially when the crew’s life could be on the line.

Which is why he’s not listening to this briefing. He’s just staring at Rush. Besides, what Young is saying is things about the stones, the state of the ship. Things Greer can learn later. Right now he needs to focus on the man who is probably keeping something from them in some capacity.

Whatever it is, he seems to be losing some sleep over it. The man honestly doesn’t look like he’s been able to get any sleep for the entire week he’s supposedly been out of his pod. He’s just sort of sitting, eyes a bit glazed as his head faces Young’s direction. Greer wouldn’t be surprised if the man is getting even less then he is.

Soon the meeting ends and Greer moves a bit closer to Rush as people start to trickle out. TJ and Young are moving closer to, Camille lurking behind TJ as though she wants to talk to her. Well, that’s going to have to wait a little bit.

“Hey Rush,” TJ greets him slowly and the man’s head snaps up in her direction. He looks around then and Greer gets the feeling that he only now realizes that the meeting is over. “Would you mind coming with me? I’ve been giving everyone a physical and you’re the only one who hasn’t had one.”

Rush moves to his feet then, and Greer is a bit surprised to see panic in his eyes. He does know that people will do extreme things when they are panicked though, so he moves even closer while moving around to get out of Rush’s sight. It shouldn’t work in a normal situation, but Rush is so sleep deprived he doubts the man has noticed his presence.

“I don’t need a checkup,” Rush states slowly, as though focusing on what he’s saying. “I gave myself one when I got out of the pod a week ago. I’m fine.”

“Yes but that was a week ago,” TJ says gently, obviously trying to stay calm and thus keep the scientist calm as well. “And it doesn’t seem that you’ve slept all that much since then. Besides, I’d like to have a checkup on record that was done by a professional.”

Rush’s hands start to shake before he jams them in his pockets and Greer might actually feel bad for the guy if he wasn’t so confused by his actions. “Ah’m no’ comin’,” he states defiantly. His words aren’t slow this time, not careful. And so his accent is thick probably from lack of sleep and the stress he seems to be under for unknown reasons.

“Yes, you are Rush,” Young states as he moves a bit closer. “Everyone has to have one. You’re not getting out of this.” Rush flicks his head back and forth between them.

“Greer!” TJ yells just as he notices that Rush’s right hand has slide out of his pocket. Light glints of the metal surface and he’s moving forward but it’s too late. Rush has slammed whatever it is full force into his own leg. Aiming for the main artery he’s sure. A suicide attempt. What the hell?

He doesn’t let himself think on it though. Instead he gets to the man before he can pull the item out of his leg, squeezing his hand to make him let go. And then Rush is thrashing and Greer is glad that Young is grabbing Rush’s other arm in that moment because otherwise he isn’t sure he could hold the man.

Greer has seen the way Rush fights. He’s seen the man waiting for an opening, trying to use calculated strikes to get an edge on his opponents. This is nothing like that. Rush is just flailing and screaming and Greer might actually take back his guess that Rush isn’t an alien because the noises coming from his mouth don’t sound like anything a human would make.

“Rush! Rush calm the fuck down!” Young yells at him. But if anything it only causes the scientist to thrash even more. And the scariest part really is that the man seems so animalistic. There’s no thought. Just instinct. Thrashing and howling like some wild animal caught in a trap before it accepts it’s oncoming death.

“TJ!” Young calls to her then, seeing that Rush isn’t going to listen. TJ is already moving, pulling a sedative out of her own pocket and hurrying to give it to Rush. And slowly he starts to lose his fight before he sags completely into Young and Greer.

“That is not normal,” Greer states the obvious, staring down at the limp man between himself and colonel. And noticing now that he’s not struggling that the man is light. Far lighter than he probably should be.

“We need to get him to the infirmary so I can try and take the screw driver out of his leg without killing him. I think he missed his main artery. I hope he missed it.” Greer doesn’t like to think of the fact that he very well might have hit his main artery. Because if he did he’ll likely die and they don’t need Rush dying from a suicide attempt. Especially when they have no clue why he did it.

“Yeah,” Greer agrees, shifting to hold Rush so he can carry the man to the infirmary. He’s so light that Greer won’t need help. “Let’s get him to the infirmary.”


	4. Convincing Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camille reflects on what she's seen and Rush has to try to explain what's happened to him.

Camille is rather stunned. She’d been feeling a bit sick and wanted to talk to TJ about it. Instead she’d witnessed Dr. Rush try to kill himself. The whole ship knows about it by now, the word probably spread by someone that Greer and TJ ran into in the hallway. Camille doesn’t really care about everyone knowing though. She is just concerned by the fact that it happened.

Something is going on. If that hadn’t been obvious before, it certainly is now. Something had happened, and Rush knew about it. Or maybe the man has just finally broken. He’d been through more than enough. But no, Camille is almost sure that they are missing something. Everyone is questioning so many different things right now. And Rush wouldn’t just break. He may have been through a lot, but he is strong too. And one week out of the stasis pods alone does not explain why he’d thrashed and screamed as Young and Greer tried to stop him from killing himself.

She’s worried about so many things. About Rush. About the rest of the crew. About how they aged and how the ship got damaged. About how ill she’s been feeling. But that will all have to wait. Rush isn’t awake yet. And even when he wakes, Camille isn’t sure he’ll give them the answers they seek.

 

* * *

 

Deep darkness envelopes him. Peaceful darkness. He can just rest for the first time in so long. Did he succeed? Is he dead? He doesn’t really think he wants to be. There was so much that he wanted to live for. Like fixing up the ship. But he’d panicked. He’d panicked and gone with his plan c. The plan of last resort. And now he is here, in the darkness.

He isn’t really sure what happened, after he jammed the screwdriver into his leg that was. Someone had come from behind to stop him. He isn’t even sure who at this point. Young had helped. And he’d only panicked all the more. He doesn’t think they tried to get him to stop by knocking him out or suffocating though. Besides, that could accidently kill him. He knows they don’t want that.

So TJ maybe. She’d been there. She could have had a sedative with her. And that… that might cause this dark peace. Actually, the probability that death was just a peaceful darkness was very low. If humans were conscious after dying, death would likely be an experience indescribable to those still in the living world. And this was certainly describable.

He could be dying though. And he honestly isn’t sure if he wants to live or die in this moment. Maybe… maybe it’s best just to wait and see. He doesn’t really have a choice in the matter after all. It won’t make sense to decide which he’d prefer.

There’s a burst of sound all of a sudden and he cries out, that muffled sound mixing in with all other sounds. The sound of the ship, of laughter, all mixing together and knocking around in his head, amplified thanks to his former inability to hear anything at all.

He tries to move his hands up to cover his ears but they are tied down. He trashes against the bonds, begging to be let up. Only he can’t beg. It all comes out muffled, blocked by the gag they’d put on him.

“Calm down,” he hears a voice. He turns his head in that direction, but of course he can’t see. He’s blindfolded too. “Rush calm down. You’re okay.” There is a hand on his shoulder to keep him still, as if the bindings won’t do that.

“Let me up, let me up!” he cries, refusing to be deterred by the gag or the bonds. “I’ll be good, let me up!”

“Rush it’s just a dream.” W-what? He stills a minute, not expecting that. “Rush you need to wake up.” It could be a lie. A trick. But then he does have nightmares far too often. So maybe….

He opens his eyes and sees TJ looming over him. He starts back a bit, flinching away. He tries to slip off the other side of the gurney, but one part of his dream appears to be true. He’s secured in place, unable to move. “Rush, it’s okay,” TJ tells him, with a comforting little smile that only marginally relaxes him. “We just didn’t want you hurting yourself okay? No one is going to hurt you.”

If only he could actually believe that. He lets his eyes move around the room to see who all is there. It’s just TJ, James, and Young. Because of course the man couldn’t just let this alone.

“Right,” he states, trying to get ahold of himself. The panic is still there, waiting just beneath the surface. But it’s going to be hard enough to rationalize his panic attack as it is. He doesn’t need to add to his earlier display. He has to stay calm. His mind is spinning rapidly, trying to come up with believable explanations for it all. He could easily pass of the panic attack as something residual from what happened with the Lucian Alliance or the Nakai. But the other thing he can’t explain away.

“Rush, where did all those wounds come from?” It’s Young who asks. Of course it’s Young who asks. He struggles to think, but the lack of food and sleep isn’t really helping. He studies the bandages TJ has wrapped him up in as he struggles to come up with a believable answer.

“Aliens,” he finally breathes out, locking eyes with TJ instead of Young because he knows he has to look at one of them if they’re going to at least sort of believe him and he also knows that he can’t look at Young right now. He just… he can’t. “I… didn’t want to have to talk about this. But they came, when we were in FTL. I don’t even know how they did it. But as far as I know I’m the only one they hurt so what does it matter?”

“What does it matter?!” Young asks, obviously rather angry. He tells himself he doesn’t mind that. He’s used to the anger. It doesn’t stop him from flinching back. “You didn’t think it important to tell us that aliens were onboard the ship?!”

“Well they’re gone now,” he states in his defense.

“Completely though? And what if they come back? Damn it Rush!” He flinches back again, brain starting to shut down, refusing to come up with any response. “We could all be in peril just because you ‘didn’t want to talk about this’!” He only just holds back a frightened whimper, but he can’t control his rapid breathing or the few small tremors that have made their way through his battered body.

“Colonel,” TJ states, rather sharply too. It surprises him and it obvious surprises Young as well. “Could you step outside?” It’s phrased as a question, but everyone there knows it’s not really one. Young glances between him and TJ, taking a deep breath and then nodding a bit.

“This discussion isn’t over though,” he states before walking out, leaving a rather heavy silence behind. Still, it’s better than having him here, shouting. Rush breathes deeply, trying to get himself under control. He clenches and unclenches his hands, relaxing back into the bed. TJ isn’t going to do anything. She would have just let Young do it, if she’d wanted to.

“I know this is hard for you but… well do you think you could tell me what all the aliens did?” TJ actually looks concerned, yet another surprise. He isn’t used to concern.

“It’s nothing that will endanger the ship,” he stated, hoping to get out of explaining.

“Well it’s something that hurt you,” TJ counters. No such luck then. He supposes that he should just be grateful that the only person he has to talk to at the moment is TJ.

“They tortured me for information,” he states, eyes sliding away from hers as he thinks about what to say. “I gave in eventually and they decided they weren’t interested. I guess their technology surpassed that of an Ancient ship.”

“Okay,” TJ states slowly, soaking in that information. “But what all did they do to you?” Rush isn’t sure why she asks that. She must have seen all of his wounds by now. Because of course she’s bandaged them all. He doesn’t really like to think of the fact that he had to lie here, naked and unconscious, while she bandaged him. But he tries not to think about it.

“Well for one they tied me down to a table. So if you could just let me up and….”

“Rush, you tried to kill yourself,” she interrupts, the concern still very evident in her voice. “People don’t just try to kill themselves for no reason. I want to know what they did, to make you want to kill yourself rather than let us find out about your injuries. And I want to be sure you aren’t going to try again before I let you up.”

Well he had to admit that she was good at this. A bit too good. He shifted a moment, squirming against his bonds before he looked back at her. He knows that as a medic, TJ is trained to recognize things like ptsd. Maybe… maybe he can make her think he has it. “It… it’s just I… I was caught. Again. Tortured. Again. And… I’d given information on the ship. I know that they decided they didn’t want it but… but I gave up information. N-no one is going to be happy about that.”

Maybe it’s bad to manipulate TJ like this. He is purposefully misdirecting her from the truth. But he is also very aware what will happen to him if he can’t redirect her, and he doesn’t want that.

“Look I… I promise I’m not going to try again. Can you let me up?” He thinks he might panic again if she doesn’t. And she seems to see that because she is moving to undo the restraints. He sits instantly, sighing in a bit of relief.

“Okay. I need to catch Colonel Young up on what’s going on,” she states. “James, make sure he doesn’t try to hurt himself.”

He blinks, looking at her. He’d forgotten James was there, given how quite she had been. She is studying him now with a look he can’t read and he isn’t really comfortable with that. Does she know he’s lying? He barely stops a tremor from going through his body again. That would be a dead giveaway. “I’ll make sure of it,” James states as TJ heads for the door.

“I wouldn’t have tried anything anyway, you know,” he mumbles softly. The stunt with the screwdriver had been a mistake. He’d just panicked, unnecessarily. He wasn’t going to try again. Not unless he had to.

TJ pauses in the door for a moment. “Maybe not this time,” she states. And really, there is no good reply to that, since he is planning on doing so if he has to. So after a moment of silence TJ just keeps walking, leaving him alone with James.


	5. New Living Arrangements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Young comes back in and gets a few answers from Rush, and when he gives the scientist a choice on who to spend his nights with while he's under suicide watch, Rush's answer surprises him.

Young feels a bit bad for how he reacted now. PTSD. Of course that was what it was. He probably shouldn’t have yelled. Though he did think Rush needed to stop keeping secrets. He wouldn’t be so inclined to yell at the man if he didn’t keep secrets.

Still, he’s promised not to yell so he’s been let back into the room. He walks with TJ over to Rush’s bed, seeing the man is just sitting, looking rather tense. Young’s eyes scan the bandages and Rush’s thin frame. He knows the only clothes Rush is wearing are his boxers, but they are hidden by the bed sheet. Which is good really. He’d be all the more uncomfortable if he could see more of Rush’s bare skin. His bandaged chest is bad enough.

“Sorry I yelled,” he states. He doesn’t want Rush to be terrified of him after all. “But you do realize that you should have told us, right?”

Rush locks eyes with him and gives a small nod. “I know. I’m sorry. But… they didn’t seem interested in the information I gave them. They left after that. I… I didn’t think they were a threat.”

Young nods himself. “Yeah, TJ told me,” he informs the man. “But… I need a bit more information. How long were they here Rush? Because some of your wounds are pretty old.”

Rush stiffens, looking rather terrified. And yes Young had expected that but he needed to know as much about this as possible. “I’m not sure Colonel,” he manages eventually. “They didn’t exactly let me look at a clock.”

“But it’s possible they were here for almost three years?” Rush nods hesitantly after a moment.

“It’s possible.”

“That would certainly explain the aging,” James speaks up and Young nods.

“Sort of. It explains why Rush aged. Not the rest of us.” Young watches Rush, seeing he still looks rather panicked, like he’s searching for words to say.

“Well I can’t answer that. I never saw any of you,” Rush states. But he’s not looking at them and maybe it’s to avoid what he did see, avoid remembering some cruel torture that he had to undergo. But Young needs a few more answers.

“Is it possible that they had some sort of mind altering device though?” Young asks. Rush shrugs.

“If they did, why wouldn’t they use it on me?” he asks. “And then there’s the fact that none of you have a scratch. So why heal everyone but me? Unless I was the only one tortured which then begs the question of why me and no one else.”

See this is why he needs to talk to Rush. The man is brilliant, a perfect person to toss ideas off of, even when he’s not in the best condition.

“Well maybe they couldn’t use it on you,” TJ speaks up. “You could have developed resistance because of what the Nakai did to you.”

“What about Chloe?” Young asks, but TJ shakes her head.

“She wasn’t there anywhere near as long, and it seems they wanted her for different reasons. It’s highly possible that Rush was able to resist whatever the new thing was while Chloe wasn’t.”

“But what about the wounds?” James asks, sounded a bit uncomfortable. No wonder. They’re speculating that they’ve all been tortured for three straight years until Rush caved and told them everything about the ship. Which actually….

“Most of us probably caved before him anyway,” Young stated, eyes locking with the scientist’s. “But they wanted to know everything about the ship so they could determine whether it was useful or not. And the only person who knows everything is Rush.”

“You mean he withstood torture for three years and no one else did?” James asks, sounding not convinced. “And none of us even have a scar?”

“Could be out of spite,” Rush offers up. “They probably weren’t happy I lasted as long as I did. And even if some others didn’t break, they didn’t have all the information they needed. In fact they only needed one person to break and tell them who knew the most. After that they could have ignored everyone else.”

Well that’s true. And again why Young needs Rush. And needs him in the best condition possible, namely not dead because he decided to kill himself. “Okay thanks Rush. But now that that’s over, we have one more thing to discuss. TJ thinks it’s a good idea for you to be around others, even at night. Just so you won’t… well you know.”

Rush gulps a bit, face getting pale. Obviously it’s not a nice prospect. The man doesn’t really get along with any of them and he is always seeking alone time. But they can’t risk him trying to kill himself again. “You can pick whoever you want to spend the nights with, but this is the way it has to be for now.”

“Whoever I want?” Rush queries, sounding surprised. He’d probably thought that Young was going to assign some soldier to him or something.

“Well, probably best if you pick a man,” Young proposes. “It will make things a bit less awkward.”

Rush waves a hand as if to say that stipulation was obvious and looks straight at Young. “I want to stay with you.”

“Me?” Young asks. He’d hurt Rush so many times before. Surely he can’t actually want to room with him.

“You said whoever I want,” Rush states, almost meekly. Like he things Young has changed his mind.

“Yeah, okay. I just didn’t expect you to pick me. But if you’re sure it’s what you want then its fine with me.” Rush nods a bit and TJ smiles.

“Great, maybe you two can make each other sleep more often,” she jokes a bit. Young can’t even blame her. He’s well aware neither of them get as much sleep as they need. “Now Rush, you can either stay here for the night to recover, or go back with Young,” TJ continues. Everett knows what she’s thinking. They’d talked about this outside too. Rush is rather beat up physically and for that reason TJ would like to keep him in the infirmary overnight. But his mental health is the more pressing matter, so right now letting him chose some things would be the better option.

“I don’t want to stay,” Rush asserts.

“Alright,” TJ states as she slides him a meal. “You get some food and more importantly water in you and then you’re free to go. Your clothes are over there.” She gestures to his clothes and then walks away with James.

Young sits down on the bed, next to his head scientist. He feels like he should say something, but he isn’t really sure what he’s supposed to say to a man who almost succeeded in committing suicide. Especially since that man is Rush. He’s never really been sure what to say to Rush. But now? Any hope of finding the right words has gone out the window.

“I’m full,” Rush states, sliding the food away from him. He hasn’t even had half. Young frowns and shakes his head.

“I think you need a bit more than that.”

Rush looks down into his bowl before looking up at Young, face set in a determined line. “I’m not hungry.”

“Try for half?” Young requests.

“No.”

“Three more bites?”

“I’m not a child Colonel.” This is good though, this arguing. It’s the Rush that he knows, not the one who seems a bit too timid and who tried to kill himself. It has to be a good sign.

“Okay, but drink all your water or TJ might just decide she does need to keep you here overnight.”

Rush grabs the cup and drains the water rather quickly. So maybe he needs more. Young will have to get him some later. He can tell Rush is rather eager to get going though, probably so he’ll have a bit more privacy. But he isn’t moving. He’s just sitting under the covers. And Everett is fairly sure he knows why.

“Okay, I’ll look away, but if I hear anything odd then I will make sure you aren’t trying anything,” he states.

Rush huffs an annoyed sigh. “I won’t Colonel.”

“Can’t blame me for being concerned,” Young defends himself, but he turns his head anyway, closing his eyes as well. He feels the bed shift as Rush slides out of it. There is a thud when Rush’s feet hit the ground, accompanied by a small groan. Which isn’t surprising given his injuries. “You alright?”

“Yes,” comes a sharp but slightly breathless reply. Footsteps can be heard on the metal floor as Rush moves a few steps to his clothes. And then there is the rustling of cloth. Everett has the urge to say something, strike up a conversation. But Rush seemed annoyed and humiliated enough. He didn’t really want to make it worse. “Okay,” Rush says eventually.

Young turns to see his head scientist is fully dressed. It’s… odd. All of his bandages are hidden under his clothes. He looks almost normal. And knowing just how badly he’s suffering only makes this normal look all the more disconcerting.

“Right,” he says, brushing those thoughts out of his head. He doubts Rush will want him treating him differently. “We can stop by your room to get the things you want and need, and then head to my room.” Rush just stands there a moment, head slightly tilted as he regards him.

“I don’t need anything,” he states at length.

“Oh come on,” Young says. “I’m sure there are at least a few notebooks or some chalk in your room that you’d like to have.” He knows Rush didn’t really have time to bring most of his personal items through the gate with him when he left Icarus, but surely there are a few things that he has now that he wants.

“I’m tired,” Rush claims. “Can’t we just do that later?” Young supposes that isn’t much of a surprise. Today has been rather eventful for Rush. And everyone really. Now that he mentions it, Everett realizes that he is rather tired as well.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “We can do that tomorrow.” He starts for the door then, Rush following at a slower pace. He slows down so he can match the man’s pace, but the man maddeningly stays a few steps behind. It’s more than likely because he doesn’t want to talk about what’s happened, but Young doesn’t really like Rush just following him, like some lost puppy.

“Need help?” he prompts. Rush is hurt after all, though it was hard to tell. The man was managing to walk as though nothing was wrong with his body. Young has no idea how, but it does explain why no one knew he was injured until… earlier today.

“No,” Rush insists. But he takes the hint and moves so he’s walking next to Young instead of behind. His eyes are straight ahead and he doesn’t say another word. Young doesn’t really mind though. He’s sure the man has a lot to think about, after everything. Though… maybe distracting him would be a good idea. He doesn’t need to be weighed down by everything that’s happened to him.

So, he has to think of something to say. He tries to come up with a good question, but he doesn’t really know what a good question would be, if he’s honest. He keeps thinking of the aliens that hurt Rush, and probably all of them. He wants to ask what they did, wants to know what happened to himself too. It’s a bit maddening, not knowing. But he is sure now is not a good time for that.

So, if he can’t say something about Rush, he might as well talk about himself. “My room might be a bit of a mess,” he starts with. Something relevant. Something easy. “I think I left papers everywhere, before we went into stasis.” Paperwork. He’s always had too much paperwork.

“Are you sure?” Rush asks.

“What, about it being messy?” he asked, giving Rush a look. That’s an odd question. “I mean I suppose not no. It’s been three years. And I haven’t been there since we’ve been out of the pods. The aliens could have looked through it too, so who knows what it looks like? I just wanted to warn you, in case it was messy.”

“Oh,” Rush acknowledges. He still hasn’t looked at Young. And Young has no idea how to read him. He does rather hate that the conversation moved instantly to the aliens when he’d tried to avoid that topic. Maybe that was what was bothering Rush. Maybe he should change subjects again.

“Though even if they ransacked the place, it probably looks better than it did when I left it.” Okay so that sort of referenced aliens but also it was a joke about himself. And it worked because now Rush is smiling. Just a bit. It’s hardly noticeable. But the corner of his mouth has risen slightly and he looks a bit more relaxed.

“Aye, well nothing could be as bad as my study used to be,” Rush chips in. “You should have seen the place. Walls covered in paper. Really could have used some of that new chalk paint probably.”

“An organized mess I’m sure though,” Young states. After all that is Rush’s method and it works for him.

“Yeah,” he agrees softly. The silence that hangs between them now is softer, more companionable. So Young lets it stay until they get to his room. Odd, it is neat. He supposes that he’d cleaned it and didn’t remember. Or the aliens had moved things around. It was just… weird after Rush had brought it up. But he ignored that, deciding to get down to business instead.

“So, TJ thinks sleeping in the same bed is the best, because I can feel if you try to do something.” Rush rolls his eyes at that.

“You don’t have to rationalize sharing a bed Colonel,” he states as he pulls off the top shirt, leaving only the long sleeved white one behind. “It makes the most sense. It’s the way we’ll both be the least tired in the morning. And it’s not like I picked you because I knew your room had a couch.”

That’s an interesting way to look at it. Young isn’t sure he’d see things that way, if their roles were reversed. “Why did you pick me then?” Young asks though. Because he has hurt the man so many times. How could he be so casual about sharing a bed with him?

Rush is pulling off his shoes now but he takes the time to pause and shrug. “You were there. It was less hassle.” Young frowns. Surely the time it would take to get someone like Brody to the infirmary couldn’t have been that big a consideration. “And you’d already gotten answers to your questions,” Rush adds after a pause. And oh yes that makes sense. Of course Rush wouldn’t want to talk about it more than necessary, or have someone stare questioningly at him, like he’s sure Brody would do.

“Besides you’re military, used to sleeping close to comrades. I thought you wouldn’t make this awkward.” Rush is shooting him something akin to a glare, but it looks like he’s a bit too tired to pull it off.

“I was just making sure you were okay with it,” Young states, hoping to drop the subject now. It seems to work. Rush turns and moves under the blankets. Young thinks it’s lucky that Rush sleeps on the opposite side of the bed than he does. It will make this easier.

“Okay, you go ahead and sleep. I’m going to get some work done and then I’ll go to bed.” Rush sits up, shaking his head.

“Oh no you don’t. You haven’t rested once since you got out of the pod. You’ve got to be tired. Work can wait. Survival comes first and that means sleep.”

“Now that’s something I’d expect to hear from TJ,” Young states. “Not the man who literally passed out from exhaustion.”

“Just get in bed,” Rush states. His voice sounds just a bit pleading and Young sighs, removing his jacket and boots before turning off the light. Oh. The light.

“You could have just said you wouldn’t be able to sleep with the light on,” he mumbles as he moves to his side of the bed and slips in.

“And miss the chance to scold you?” Rush asks, with that snark that Young pretends to hate but actually enjoys on occasions.

So he chuckles. “Well I suppose you couldn’t pass up that opportunity,” he responds. He hears a snort beside him and it’s actually kind of nice he thinks, not being alone in his room with a bottle of Brody’s moonshine. He doesn’t like the circumstances that caused this but… well maybe this can be as much as help for him as he hopes it will be for Rush.

“No, I couldn’t. And I’m also not going to pass up the opportunity to sleep, so goodnight,” Rush tells him.

“Goodnight,” Young replies. And it’s curious because the man hadn’t sleep that much at all earlier today but Young can hear his breathing get deeper within moments. Maybe having a human nearby is comforting, knowing he won’t be tortured. Or maybe he’s just too exhausted. Young supposes he’ll find out in the following nights. For now though he closes his eyes himself, finding sleep almost as easily as his head scientist.


	6. Being Difficult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rush and Young have an argument when Rush wakes up and doesn't want to do one of the things TJ thinks he should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there is not much substance in this. Young and Rush insisted on arguing and I couldn't really stop them lol.

Young has been awake for some time already. TJ had brought breakfast for the both of them only to find Rush sleeping. And honestly he needed it so she told him to let Rush sleep and give him the food when he woke up. Which honestly has been good for Young. He finally has an excuse to not be walking around the crew and he can get some of this damn paperwork done. He actually loses track of time, so when he hears movement he has to look at his watch. It's almost time for lunch.

Rush sits up in bed, his hair a rather tangled mess. He looks confused too, nervous. Young wouldn’t be surprised if it takes him a moment to remember what all happened yesterday. “Hey Rush,” he greets. “Seems you needed some sleep.”

Rush nods a bit as he rubs a hand through his hair. Young isn’t sure if he was intending to straighten it out, but if it was he totally failed. “What time is it?” he asked groggily.

“Just about lunch time,” Young informs him before nodding towards the bowl and glass sitting on the nightstand on Rush’s side of the bed. “TJ brought that by earlier. Try to eat a bit more this time?”

Rush shoots him a glare as he picks up the bowl. “You know I wasn’t exactly fed well by the aliens,” he states. “My stomach has probably shrunken, meaning I can’t very well eat as much, can I?” Young supposes he has a point and he also knows forcing someone to eat more than they can handle isn’t the best thing to do.

“Alright, well so long as you’re eating something then,” he mumbles, going back to the paperwork. The only reply he gets is the sound of Rush’s spoon scraping against the bowl. He loses himself in it again, sort of not wanting to be too intrusive with Rush. He’s fairly sure Rush will be getting enough stares and questions from everyone else, and he doesn’t want to add to the stress.

He does look up when Rush comes in front of his desk, setting the empty bowl and glass in front of him. Well, at least he managed to eat. “Now what?” Rush asks him. “I presume I’m not allowed to go back to work yet?”

“Actually, you can,” Young states, seeing Rush look rather surprised. “TJ says forced bed rest will drive you mad, so we’re not doing that. But you will need to keep better hours. And she recommends lots of food and sleep, and once you’re feeling a bit better exercise.”

“Well, at least you’re letting me do something,” Rush states, accepting everything much easier than Young thought. Though he supposes not taking away his work is a bit thing for Rush. He probably sees this as some sort of compromise. Which is fine with him. So long as he’s being healthy. But that does lead him to one other thing he is sure Rush won’t take well at all.

“She also says it’s standard procedure for those who attempt suicide to see a phycologist,” he states, seeing Rush’s face fall instantly.

“No,” he states, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. “Ah am no’ abou’ ta talk to a bloody shrink.” Young blinks, surprised at the thickening of his accent. He’s heard it a few times, when Rush is tired or angry. So he’s guessing the scientist is really upset by this.

“Rush, you’ve been through hell and back multiple times, and you almost killed yourself the other day. That means you really do need to see a professional about all of this. We already have it scheduled. Brody is going to switch with someone from earth and….”

“No,” Rush tells him again, and Young is starting to think the man is acting like a stubborn toddler. “Ev’ry one else had been throu’ hell n’ back too. Why donnae they hav’ ta see a bloody shrink?”

“Rush, calm down a minute,” he states. Rush doesn’t seem to want to listen though. He starts pacing the floor in front of Young’s desk, muttering things he can’t quite make out. And damn it all but he’s almost positive Rush is being careful to make sure Young can’t hear what he’s saying, as though he doesn’t want him to know.

He sighs and turns on the radio. “Young to TJ,” he states, and that gets Rush to freeze in his tracks. Young inwardly thinks that maybe the stubborn toddler doesn’t want others to know he’s having a tantrum.

“Okay,” Rush says, using an obvious effort to control his actions and his accent. “I’ll calm down. Just don’t get anyone else involved.” Young nods in agreement as his radio goes off.

“TJ here Colonel.”

“I just wanted to let you know Rush is awake, and I’ll bring him to the infirmary so you can check on him soon.” There is a pause, as if TJ knows something else was going on, but then she replies.

“Understood.”

“Young out,” he says, placing his radio back on the desk and locking eyes with Rush. “Alright, let’s try this again.”

Rush huffs out an annoyed sigh before speaking. “I don’t want to talk to someone about everything, okay? I just want to forget about it all.”

“I understand that feeling Rush, but in this case I don’t think that will work. You can’t run from things like this. They catch you in the end. You have to face them head on and a phycologist can help you do that.” He is being a bit hypocritical because he knows that he tries to run from his problems by drenching them in alcohol. But he hasn’t almost killed himself.

“Can’t I face it later?” Rush asks and Young can’t help but let a flat chuckle fall from his lips.

“I believe that’s still running,” he responds. Rush glares then, channeling all his frustration into that look. And yes, it’s Rush. It feels like the looks he’d used to give and honestly Young would be happy to see it if only it wasn’t about this.

“I refuse to talk to anyone,” he states. Young had been afraid of this, and of course his fears are coming true.

“Rush, we’re all worried about you,” Young tells him. “That isn’t going to help you or anyone else.”

“Aye, because right now everyone else is on the front of my mind,” Rush snarks. “Look Colonel, I appreciate that you’re worried, but talking things out is not the way I do things. Humanity existed for hundreds of years before there were phycologists, and they got along damn fine. I will too.”

“Rush….”

“And might I add that you shouldn’t want this coming out? Because you do know some of my issues have to do with you and I am sure some of what I say could cause an investigation.” It’s true really and Young knows that, even if some of it is supposed to stay between Rush and the phycologist. It is possible some would get to the higher ups in SGC. And they might sort of know what has happened, like him leaving Rush on an alien planet to die, but they haven’t really heard the full story. And he thinks someone will get them to take action if they do.

“This isn’t about me,” is what he tells Rush. He’s confused now too because Rush is admitting their problems when last night he brushed them aside, saying he wanted to sleep in Young’s bed over someone else’s. “But if you feel there’s still a problem between us then we can find someone else for you to bunk with.”

“No,” Rush says quickly, almost desperately. Before he seems realize what he’s done. “I mean… it went fine last night so….”

“Damn it Rush,” he says. “Look, either you’re still scared of me or you’re not and I’m fine either way but you can’t have both. Either you want to room with me for vague reasons I don’t get, or we still have issues that you would spill to the phycologist. One or the other.”

Rush looks almost defeated. “Yes fine, you’re smart,” he mumbles. “That was a lie, just to make you let me not talk to the shrink.” Young is impressed he actually got a full description of what Rush was doing instead of just being told to fuck off. “But I am still not going to talk.”

“Fine, but you’re meeting with the phycologist anyway,” Young states. “Whether you talk or not.”

“Fine,” Rush agrees. “Now we should get going or TJ will ask questions.” Oh right. He’d told her they’d be over there soon.

“Yeah,” he agrees, standing finally from his chair and leaving his paperwork piled on his desk. “Let’s go.”


End file.
